| I am glad that nature is always seeking to restore itself and bring itself into full redemption. And I am glad that I am a part of nature. |
| |
| I went to the river yesterday, my sanctuary, the place where in the summer my heart could listen to the heartbeat of God. I went despite the cold, frosty weather. Actually, I went because of the cold, frosty weather. I wanted to see what it looked like in the winter. Nature drastically changes and so do I. So we meet as if two completely different people meeting for the first time, though I know that hidden beneath the death of nature lives the chaotic yet beautiful being I once knew in the summer. It is a piece of land beside the river partly wedged in between the river and a small pond. I went there knowing that I probably couldn't go far because of the consistent rain flooding the water. When I got there, the river had flooded so much that it merged with the pond and the pond was now flooded. The ground was so moist I thought there was a sea underneath me with only 4 inches of soil between my feet and some water abyss. I didn't stay long. Why? Because I couldn't go as far as I wanted to. I have a fear of floods like that, a fear of uncontrollable water of which I am uncertain of its depths in different places. One place I could be standing in water on ground that I use to stand on, that is familiar to me, and the next step I could be dropping into the river, into waters over my head. I have a fear but it is the kind of fear a child would have of a thunderstorm, a good fear, a fear that allows for mystery, majesty, and uncertainty. The waters scared me, yet I had an unexplainable desire to walk into it and let the waters carry me away. |
| |
| Feliz Navidad!!! Merry Christmas!!! |
| |
| I feel beside myself. I feel like most things I do are because I assume I should do it or it is a good idea. I feel this way because I don't know how to want things right now, I don't know how to be. All day I keep comparing the things I am doing and thinking here with the things I did and thought in Peru, and then being sad that they are not in sync. I try not to have an opinion about it. I try not to decide whether it is good or bad because you cannot compare things that are different like that. It is a different context. But it is difficult not to do that. One thing I knew would be difficult before I even returned is being here means being part of shaping a community, and not simply joining an already existing one. Habits have to be added and subtracted, routines have to be found, language has to change and formed and reformed, etc. It is difficult to live in such tension where authentic growth doesn't seem to be encouraged. |
| |
| This is not about me. It is about us. Will all of you live life with me? Please? I will bring the cookies? |
| |
